Have you ever moved somewhere chasing a dream… only to realize the real journey was finding yourself?
That’s exactly what this week’s episode of La Vie Creative explores with writer, speaker, and “American Love Coach in Paris,” Dufflyn Lammers.
Her new book, You Had Me at Bonjour, is more than a love story. It’s a powerful, genre-bending exploration of romance, reinvention, sobriety, and the shift from fantasy to true intimacy.
Moving to Paris: When Reinvention Becomes Reality
Like so many of us, Dufflyn didn’t arrive in Paris with a perfectly mapped-out plan.
What started as a solo trip—after a friend canceled last minute—turned into a life-changing experience. Paris wasn’t just a destination. It became a catalyst.
She left behind a life in Los Angeles, including a career in acting, to step into something unknown. What she found wasn’t just love or a relationship—but a deeper question:
Who am I when everything familiar is stripped away?
Living abroad has a way of doing that. It removes the “labels” we’ve been wearing and forces us to reconnect with what’s underneath.
The Through Line: Why Love Is Always the Story
From poetry slam stages to acting to coaching women around the world, Dufflyn realized something early on:
Love is the thread that connects everything.
While audiences may tune out politics or theory, they lean in when we talk about love—because it’s universal.
But her work goes deeper than romance.
It’s about:
- The way we lose ourselves in relationships
- The patterns we repeat
- And the possibility of coming back home to ourselves
Fantasy vs. Intimacy: The Core Message of You Had Me at Bonjour
One of the most powerful ideas from Dufflyn’s book is this:
The opposite of fantasy isn’t reality—it’s intimacy.
Fantasy can feel safe. It can protect us. It can even inspire us.
But eventually, it stops working.
Intimacy, on the other hand, asks more of us:
- Honesty
- Presence
- Vulnerability
- Self-awareness
And most importantly, a relationship with ourselves first.
Losing Yourself in Love (And Finding Your Way Back)
One of the most relatable parts of our conversation was the reality many women face:
Losing themselves in relationships.
Dufflyn shares how easy it is—especially when moving to a new country—to anchor your identity in a partner. Without community, routine, or a sense of self, it’s easy to disappear.
Her solution?
Create multiple points of connection:
- Friendships
- Creative outlets
- Personal rituals
- A life that exists beyond the relationship
Because true love doesn’t replace you—it supports who you already are.
Sobriety, Attachment, and Why Relationships Are So Hard
Dufflyn also brings a unique and powerful perspective through her journey with sobriety.
She explains how addiction and relationships are deeply connected, often rooted in early attachment patterns formed in childhood.
This insight changes everything:
- Why we chase unavailable partners
- Why breakups can feel unbearable
- Why we repeat the same dynamics
And most importantly:
Why healing your relationship patterns is possible.
The Golden Buddha: A Metaphor for Who You Really Are
One of the most beautiful moments in our conversation was the story of the Golden Buddha.
Covered in mud and forgotten during times of hardship, the statue is eventually rediscovered—revealing pure gold underneath.
That’s the journey Dufflyn describes in her book.
And maybe it’s your journey too.
We are not broken. We are just covered.
What Women Struggling in Love Need to Hear
If you’ve ever felt like love isn’t working for you, Dufflyn offers this:
- You are not too late
- You are not too much
- You are not unlovable
But you may need to turn inward first.
Because the real work isn’t finding the right person.
It’s becoming someone who can:
- Receive love
- Ask for what they need
- Stay present instead of chasing intensity
Choosing Intimacy in Everyday Life
So what does intimacy actually look like?
Sometimes, it’s simple.
It’s asking for a longer hug.
It’s saying how you feel.
It’s being honest—even when it’s uncomfortable.
It’s choosing connection over performance.
Final Thoughts: Love as a Path Back to Yourself
You Had Me at Bonjour is ultimately a reminder that:
Love isn’t about perfection.
It isn’t about fantasy.
It’s about coming home to yourself.
And when you do that—everything else changes.
Listen to the Full Episode
Tune into this powerful conversation with Dufflyn Lammers on La Vie Creative and discover how love, travel, and self-discovery are more connected than we think.
👉 Available now on your favorite podcast platform
Where to Find Dufflyn Lammers
- Book: You Had Me at Bonjour
- Available on Amazon and major retailers
